Monday 3 April

Monday April 3

LEFTY

REDNECK

Every Monday needs a little humor, so here goes my contribution...

Overheard…

…at a party

---HE: Pardon me, but you look like Helen Green.

---SHE: Yeah, well, I look even worse in pink.

…in a bar

---HAPPY NEW YEAR!

---What’s the matter with you? It’s nearly the 4^th of July!

---Whoa! I better be getting home!

…on the golf course.

---Do you realize your ball just struck my wife?!

---Dreadfully sorry, old chap. Here’s a ball; have a shot at mine.

…on a headstone

---I TOLD you I was sick.

…in a phone call to the hospital

---I’ve got to get down there right away. I’ve got to bring my wife in. She’s having a baby! She’s having a baby!

---Now, calm down. Is this her first baby?

---Um, no. This is her husband.

…at the bridge club

---Won’t the country club dance be fun? We’re supposed to wear dresses that match our husband’s hair. I’m going in black.

---And I’ll be in yellow.

---I’m wearing red with silver highlights.

--Oh, dear, I think I’d better not come.

…in court

---Are you the defendant?

---No, your honor, I got a lawyer to do the defendin’…I’m the guy what stole the car.

…in the men’s department

---Whew! I didn’t have any trouble selling the purple suit to that blind guy, but did his seeing-eye dog raise a fuss?!

…in the doctor’s office

---When you urinate, does it burn?

---Don’t know, never tried to light it.

…in Sunday School

---Can anyone tell me where God is?

---Well, this morning he was at my house. I heard my Dad yelling, “Good God, how much longer are you gonna be in that bathroom?

Thanks to your government, your mind and body think it got one hour too little sleep last night. But that's not so bad when you think it's your tax dollars they're wasting. That alone is enough to keep you awake at night. But this is America, the greatest nation in the world. Congress wastes more money in a day than most countries produce in a year. So, with that thought, I'll leave you to ponder this and other of life's mysteries. One down, four to go. Be safe, be happy!

And remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!