For lovers of all things HOT and all things FUNNY

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Easy to be Hard

Okay, so I'm no brain surgeon or rocket scientist. But, I mean, COME ON!! I spent the better part of the day yesterday working on what, going in, I thought was going to be a quick half hour or so of cutting and pasting and then sitting back and basking in the glory of a perfectly produced post. Au contraire, mon frère. I guess I'm not the html whiz I cracked myself up to be. At any rate, I scrapped the whole thing and I'm, like the blog itself, starting out of the ashes of what once was, but unfortuntely, for me at least, wasn't.

I've come to assume that it's not as simple as just cutting and pasting from a website or email into a blog post. Well, it isn't for me anyway. So, I've resorted to actually typing it in word by word, and if that doesn't work, I may seek assylum in an assylum. And what's up with uploading an image to be placed strategically in your post?? And when it finished uploading, it goes right to the head of the blog instead of where you want it. If I had any hair left to begin with, I would have pulled in out in hysterical frustration by now.

So, as I had originally intended, below are a few random Blonde Jokes, courtesy of my oldest daughter. And, NO, she isn't a blonde of any sort--natural, bleached or otherwise.

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She asks, "So, what's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carbuerator."
She gasps, imploring, "How often do I have to do THAT??"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her niceli if he can see her license.
She replies in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!!!"
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts. "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side..."
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctors's office complaining that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead touches her left arm and she screams. The touches her elbow and screams even more. The touches her knee and wails in obvious pain; then she touches her ankle with equal agony. Everywhere she touched resulted in screams of pain.
In a flash of insight, the doctor asks, "you aren't really a redhead, are you?"
"Well, no," she said. I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken!"
MUCH ADO ABOUT KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulls alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astonished to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his fhashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blond hollered back. "It's a SCARF!"
BLONDED BY THE LIGHT
A Russian, an American and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space."
The American said, "We were the first on the moon."
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and scratched their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" exclaimed the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "Duh, we're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
IT SUCKS TO BE BLONDE
A blonde was once playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, so she rolled the dice and landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you were in a vacuum and someone called your name, could you hear it?"
She thought for a moment and then asked, "Is it on or off?!"
TIMELY HUMOR
A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had just acquired two new dogs. She asked the blonde what were their names. The blonde responded that one was naned Rolex and the other was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of naming dogs like that?!"
"HELLOOOOOOOO!" answered the blonde. "They're WATCH dogs!"
YEAH, RIGHT!
The following account is purportedly true. Well, if a blonde thinks so, then it MUST be!!

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents halped us in every way; my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me...very much indeed. And that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her charms. It had to be deliberate, because she never did such things when anyone but the two of us were together.

One day my girlfriend's sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I would be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't and didn't want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it, just come up and get me!" I was stunned. I stood frozen, watching her go up the stairs. When she reached the top step, the reached down and pulled off her pantie s and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went staight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"

The moral of the story:

ALWAYS KEEP YOUR CONDOMS IN YOUR CAR!"
MORE THAN A QUART LOW
A blonde pulls into a gas station and she tells the attendant that she needs some 710 so her car will run better.
The pump jockey scratches his head, not knowing what to do. So he asks the blonde to show him what she's talking about. So, he pops the hood and asks her to come around and show him. She bounces to the front of the car, pointing straight at....
AND FINALLY, the greatest BLONDE JOKE of all TIME:


Okay, that's enough gratuitous humor.
But, like I always say.....anything for a laugh!!


1 Comments:

Blogger Kari said...

hehe
Have you tried pasting into wordpad first then onto your blog? Sometimes it helps with the formating.

6:37 AM

 

Post a Comment

<< Home