The Funny Peppers

Too Funny Not To Share

2007-04-18T18:53:00.001-04:00

No, this is not a dead blog. I have been on haitus while I developed another blog: heresyourpenny.blogspot.com which is my political/editorial blog. Visit and let me know what you think.

I received this from someone very special, and she knows who she is. But I'm grateful for her giving me the opportunity to spread the humor. Enjoy!

Al Gore and Bill & Hillary Clinton go to heaven, and God addresses Al first. ”Al, what do you believe in?”

Al replies: “Well, I believe that I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve. And I’ve come to understand that now.” God thinks for a second and says: “Very good. Come and sit at my left.”

God then addresses Bill. “Bill, what do you believe in?”
Bill Replies: “I believe in forgiveness. I’ve sinned, but I’ve never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me.” God thinks for a second and says: “You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right.”

Then God addresses Hillary. “Hillary, what do you believe in?”
She replies: “I believe you’re in my chair.”

And now for something completely different...I also reveived this in email, and it speaks for itself. Enjoy!

My Little Garden of Eatin'

2006-07-23T19:50:00.000-04:00

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Okay, folks, I'm back. But, like the summer weather we've been having lately, I'm HOT!! And it's all because I spent about 6 hours yesterday into the late evening trying to post. I kept getting HTML errors I couldn't find. I finally gave up and went to bed. Now I'm giving it another try.

Here (I hope) are some pictures of my garden.

Three varieties, lots of flowers, fingers crossed.

One of my favorite seasonings, for everything from tangy salsa, guacamole, spaghetti sauce and chili, it's fun to grow, economical, and you just have to step out the back door and snip a few sprigs. Fresh and delicious!

I planted the carrots just for fun. They're supposed to be red, green, yellow and black when they're ready to harvest. I'll show you how they turned out soon. I love onions of all kinds. I planted red (salsa and guacamole) and yellow (omelets, salads).

I'm excited about the seedlings. They're from seeds I brought back from my recent trip to Oaxaca, Mexico. Some of them can't be found here in the States. The green onions are from some leftover seeds from last year. The chamomile is to make tea to ease the tension and stress from weeding, watering and worrying whether the bugs will win the battle.

I planted bell peppers, sweet banana peppers, jalapenos and carnival multicolor peppers. Looks like they're a hit with the bugs. I've got my fingers crossed that they'll survive....the peppers, that is!!

Sweet banana peppers. Great for stuffing with Italian sausage. A few more and it's a meal!!

Beautiful, hot, spicy and delicious! Can't wait to pick a few of these babies for some guacamole or tangy salsa! YUM!

Okay, that's about all I can do for now. We're making preparations for our week-long trek to Ocean City, Maryland to kick back, relax and enjoy life. Check back in a couple of weeks and I'll have pictures and commentary about all the fun we had!!

So, as the sun is heading to bed, and another weekend is about to enter the history books, here's a shot of a beautiful sunset I captured a few days ago....

So, until next time, take care, enjoy the summer, and...don't forget to keep it fun, hot and spicy!

Too Hot To Blog

2006-07-14T23:15:00.000-04:00

Friday
July 14
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Okay, so it's been another long spell that I haven't blogged. I could blame it on the weather. I could blame it on the fact that summer is slipping away before I've had a chance to fully enjoy it. But no, I've just been playing catch-up with life....trying to get my garden (pictures forthcoming) weeded, watered and properly propped up. The tomatoes, onions, carrots, cilantro and, of course, several species of peppers have literally exploded with the recent rains we've had. Plus, I've been frustrated by the fact that we haven't been able to get my new Wildfire scooter on the road. Ohio has been extremely slow in getting the paperwork back so we can get it titled, insured and tagged. AND the heat has definitely been a factor that has slowed down everything. It's too hot to do anything outside during the day, and just walking around is exhausting. At night energy just seems to evaporate, leaving me too tired to even log on. But tonight I just said, what the heck.

I have been wondering what to do with all the pictures I took while I was in Mexico during the month of May. I got this colage software package and have been playing around with it. Below is a picture of some of the pepper pix I took, plus some of a tlayuda, the signature dish of Oaxaca (Wa-ha-ka), the city in Mexico I visited.

Even though chile peppers of more kinds than I could name are common throughout Mexico, the cuisine of Oaxaca is surprisingly bland. Numerous sauces (salsas) are available on request, and I noted most of the locals requested them also. So, I guess the lack of "heat" is mostly to cater to what the locals assume are untrained palates of their northern neighbor tourists. I did my best to change that perception. I even brought back some varieties of Mexican chile seeds that are about ready to transplant in my garden. More about them as they get ready for a late summer harvest!!

Okay, that's it for tonight. Got a busy weekend ahead: lots of fun-in-the-sun activities ahead. Going to a nearby neighborhood's Community Days (amounts to a massive house by house yard sale). Have a high school graduation party to attend (anything for a free meal when it's too hot to cook), and we're going to the Fleatique to see what new oddities we can add to our menagerie.

Take care. Stay cool, but don't forget to keep it hot and spicy!

Return of the Pittsburgh Pepperhead

2006-06-25T11:29:00.001-04:00

Sunday
June 25
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No, I didn't dry up and blow away. Here's why. I spent virtually the whole month of May in Mexico to enhance my Spanish language comprehension. And, to tell the truth, I very well COULD have dried up and blown away. May just happens to be the hottest month of the year in Oaxaca, the city where I stayed for a 4-week course at Instituto Cultural Oaxaca. Temperatures were well into the 90s during the day and never got below 70 at night, except for the few days when welcome rain momentarily cooled things off a bit. The humidity was low, though, so I slowly became accustomed to the sensation of walking behind a bus everywhere I went.

While there, I had the opportunity to visit several cultural and archeological sites to learn about Mexico's history and the fascinating arts and crafts known only to this particular part of the world. Below are a series of pictures that highlight my enjoyable educational endeavor:

Typical cuisine: Tlayuda Oaxaquena

Weekly marketplace...lots of food, crafts, people

Mural in the Museum of History and Culture

Monte Alban - Aztec/Zapotec city ruins

If you'd like to see more pictures of my Mexico visit, drop me a comment with your email address and I'll direct you to my Yahoo! Photos albums. I took around a thousand photos while I was there, of everything from the people, foods, arts and crafts, street scenes and more.

As fantastic as my trip to Mexico was, nothing can compare to the magnificent work of art that my lovely lady Lucy created for me while I was gone. I'm talking about my chile pepper themed kitchen that she designed, created and decorated all by herself. It's a true masterpiece, as the following pictures attest:

The colors literally explode in pure pepper perfection!!

Peppers, peppers everywhere...HOT stuff!!!

The pepper border separates green and yellow.

Neon adds just the right amount of spice!

You're in for a HOT TIME in my new kitchen!!

Well, that's enough for one post. I'll be back soon with more crazy chile chat....

Remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

Great Day for a Gringo

2006-05-01T20:45:00.000-04:00

Monday May 1
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I just completed my first day of class at the Instituto Cultural Oaxaca. It was a banner day. I have a professor all to myself. They have placed me in a special advanced class where we read newspapers, watch television and comment of local, national and world events. Right up my alley. Part of today's class included a Spanish SCRABBLE game pitting me against my professor. I thought I would hold my own, but when the game was over, I had beat my Oaxaca-born-and-raised, college educated professor by more than a 200 point margin. Not bad for a gringo. Following a half day of class (due to today being Mexican Labor Day), I had the pleasure of lunching with three of the students also enrolled at various learning levels at the Institute. We chose a balcony restaurant overlooking the Zocalo called "La Casa de la Abuela" (Grandma's House). There I realized 2 of the 3 goals of every visitor to Oaxaca: 1) I had my first taste of chapulines (grasshoppers, sauteed with onions, served with guacamole and fresh tomato). Then, for the main course, I had mole negro, another native Oaxacan dish, consisting of a breast of chicken baked and smothered in a thick, extremely rich "gravy" containing dark chocolate. It was so rich I couldn't finish it. And it was one of the most unique flavor sensations I've ever experienced. There are other types of mole that I will no doubt sample while I'm here. Below are photo proof of my culinary feats. (More on the third goal when I reach it.)

Well, amigos, that's it for today. I'm still suffering from the heat, though we just had a welcome thunderstorm that brought about an inch of rain. But the refreshing effects only lasted a few minutes. But I was glad to get it! Gotta go do my homework for tomorrow: read one of the local daily newspapers for tomorrow's discussion. Should be fun. Hasta luego!

Remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

04/30--On Location: Oaxaca, Mexico

2006-04-30T12:20:00.000-04:00

Sunday April 30
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LEFTY

REDNECK

Saludos desde MEXICO!! I arrived here on Friday the 28th of April, and I'm still getting accustomed to the climate, the cuisine and the customs. I'll be here until the end of May, attending a course of intensive Spanish language instruction. Hence, because of my arduous schedule, the look and feel of my blog will change accordingly. While I may not post every day, I will post as often as events warrant and time allows. Below are a few of the first pictures I took when I arrived.

Okay, that's it for now. Gotta run downtown, take a few more pictures, get lost numerous times (my legacy), buy a few more groceries and then come back to rest and recuperate from the intense heat. So, hasta luego...

Enjoy your weekend, amigos! And remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

04/29

2006-04-29T21:13:00.000-04:00

Saturday Month 29
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Cartoon-a-Day

LEFTY

REDNECK

And remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

2006-04-23T19:25:00.000-04:00

Sunday April 23
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LEFTY

REDNECK

Though there was a vain attempt to literally rain on our evening, a little precipitation did absolutely nothing to dampen our spirits, our appetites or our ability to trip the light fantastic. Saturday night saw my lady and me scoffing at the raindrops as we headed for the Gateway Clippper dinner cruise with entertainment provided by Butler County's own Frank Sinatra impersonator Bo Wagner.

Tickets in hand, we headed for Station Square on the edge of downtown Pittsburgh. We thought we had left with plenty of time, but once we entered the area, we saw we were not the only game in town that night. There was a rock concert also playing, and there were hordes of young people thronging the streets. We missed the entrance ramp and parking lot because the line of people to enter the rock concert blocked most of the streets. So, we ended up paying to park (free parking was included with the cost of the tickets...thanks, kids!) and asked directions a couple of times before getting there with moments to spare before boarding.

As we boarded, photographers were there to capture the moment with a rather pricy souvenir snapshot that we--naturally-- brought home. Then, we were seated and shortly thereafter we got underway down the Monongahela River toward the "Point" where the three rivers meet. We dined on a buffet of Chicken Marsala, roast ham, rice pilaf, green beans and rigatoni. We washed it down with Sutter Home white zinfandel, and then for dessert there was a choice of chocolate or carrot cake and coffee. Then came the music, the memories, the magic...

You'd expect the guy to sound like Frank Sinatra...which he DID!! But for him to look like him was way out there!! He could easily pass for "Old Blue Eyes" if we didn't know better!!

Well, that was our excitement for the weekend. Gotta go put the finishing touches on our just-caught rockfish dinner. Time to rewind and get ready for another week. Squeeze the most out of what's left of the weekend! And remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

04/22 Rockfish Pix & Dancin' to "Sinatra"

2006-04-22T09:10:00.000-04:00

Saturday
April 22
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Cartoon-a-Day

LEFTY

REDNECK

It took me a while, but I now have pictures of the Maryland rockfish trip I took on Monday, 17 April. Seven feisty fisherman set sail from Happy Harbor in Deale, MD for a half-day trip around the Chesapeake Bay, trolling for keepers. Minimum length: 33 inches. Keepers averaged around 20 pounds. Everyone got a trophy. It was a great trip, in spite of disappointing weather to start. Sun came out about the time the seventh keeper was hauled aboard. We had a fantastic time and can't want for the next trip!! The group photo is going to be published in the Maryland Coastal Fisherman newspaper. Nothing fishy about THAT!!

CHESAPEAKE		BAY
	ROCKFISH

This evening my lovely lady and I will set sail aboard the Gateway Clipper for an evening of dining and dancing:

There'll be pix of our romantic evening in tomorrow's blog, so tune in tomorrow for that!

That's it for now. Enjoy your weekend! And remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

04/21

2006-04-21T20:58:00.000-04:00

Friday April 21
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LEFTY

REDNECK

FINALLY...someone has managed to photograph the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow...

This is the BEST QUIZ ever!!!

Remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

04/20

2006-04-20T20:55:00.000-04:00

Thursday April 20
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LEFTY

REDNECK

The Koala and the Little Lizard

A koala bear is sitting in a eucaliptus tree...smoking a joint...

...when a little lizard walks by, looks up, and says,

"Hey, koala, what are you doing?"
The koala says, "smoking a joint. Why don't you come on up and have some?"

So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints. After a while, the little lizard says his throat is dry and he is going to go down to the river for a drink of water. But the little lizard is so stoned that he loses his balance and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this, swims over, helps the little lizard to the river bank and asks the little lizard, "What's the matter with you?"

The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree with the koala, enjoying some joints, and he got thirsty, but was so stoned that he fell into the river trying to get a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out, so he walks into the rain forest to the tree where the koala is still sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and hollers, "Hey you!"

So the koala looks down at him and says,

"Duuuuuuuuuuude, how much water did you DRINK??"

Remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

04/19

2006-04-19T10:52:00.000-04:00

Wednesday April 19
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LEFTY

REDNECK

You know, sometimes I get the sudden urge to run around naked.

But then I just drink some Windex.

It keeps me from streaking!

Remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

04/18

2006-04-18T20:51:00.000-04:00

Cartoon-a-Day

What kind of tater are you???

LEFTY

REDNECK

I MISS BILL CLINTON

It doesn't matter what party you belong to—this is hilarious.

From a show on Canadian TV, there was a black comedian who said he misses Bill Clinton.

"Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton! He was the closest thing we ever got to having a black man as President.

Number 1 - He played the sax.

Number 2 - He smoked weed.

Number 3 - He had his way with ugly white women.

Even now? Look at him ... his wife works, and he don't!

And, he gets a check from the government every month.

Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America's shelves this week with "Clinton Soup," in honor of one of the nations' most distinguished men. It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.
Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada.
When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied, "I don't know, I never had one.
" The Clinton revised judicial oath: "I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know."

Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do Hanky Panky from one Bush to the next.

And remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

04/17

2006-04-17T19:04:00.000-04:00

Monday April 17
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Cartoon-a-Day

LEFTY

REDNECK

Hope your Monday isn't too rough on you. I'm out fishin' for Maryland rockfish. I know, it's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it. I'll have pictures as soon as I can get them blogged.

NO SEX SINCE 1955

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala
event, hosted by a local liberal arts college.
There was no shortage of extremely  young, idealistic
ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the
Sergeant Major for conversation.

She said, "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem
to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am," the Sergeant Major said, "Just
serious by nature."

"The young lady looked at his awards and decorations
and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

The Sergeant Major's short reply was, "Yes, ma'am, a
lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to
start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should
lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious
manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't
take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you
had sex?"

The Sergeant Major looked at her and replied, "1955."

She said, "Well, there you are. You really need to chill
out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no
sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private
room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, and panting for breath, she leaned against his
bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much
since 1955!"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his
matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."

I LOVE THAT MILITARY TIME !!!!

One morning the husband returns after several
hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife
decides to take the boat out. She motors out a
short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a game warden in his boat. He
pulls up alongside the woman and says:
"Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't
that obvious?").

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I
know you could start at any moment. I'll have to
take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual
assault," says the woman.  "But I haven't even
touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For
all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am", and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.
It's likely she can also think.

Remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

04/16

2006-04-16T15:50:00.000-04:00

Sunday April 16
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Cartoon-a-Day

LEFTY

REDNECK

Happy EASTER!!

That's it for now. And tomorrow I'll be "Gone Fishin'" for some Maryland rockfish. Keepers are minimum 33" so I hope to fill up the empty space in my freezer and tomorrow's blog with proof positive pictures. 'Til then...

Enjoy life! And remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

04/15

2006-04-15T20:47:00.000-04:00

Saturday April 15
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Cartoon-a-Day

LEFTY

REDNECK

The Mule

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged Him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when He was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began nagging him again.

Complain, nag, complain, nag; it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind Feet, caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would Approach the old farmer, he would listen for minute, Then nod his head in agreement; but when a man Mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, Then shake his head in disagreement.

This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and Agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."

"And what about the men?" the minister asked.

"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."

Ladies, I think the moral of this story is:
"Don't let your husband buy a mule".

And remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

04/14

2006-04-14T21:35:00.000-04:00

Friday
April 14
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Cartoon-a-Day

LEFTY

REDNECK

Happy Good Friday!! Easter is just around the corner. If you plan to hide eggs this year, remember, it's not the ones you find that are important, it's the ones you DON'T find!!

Here's a bit of editorial humor ala Willie Wonka:

Today's warm, though a bit damp, weather is a sure sign spring is officially here: trees are budding, daffodils are in bloom and spring fever is spreading. Catch it for yourself!

And remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

04/13

2006-04-13T20:05:00.000-04:00

Thursday April 13
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Cartoon-a-Day

LEFTY

REDNECK

Got company (daughter, son-in-law and grandson) coming today, so my post is going to be a bit short. Hope it sets the tone for a fun weekend, a Happy Easter and more warm weather. See yunz guys later.

If you want a little insight into what living in the 'burgh is all about, click here for some local western PA humor.

Today is Friday for me. If it is for you, too, enjoy it. If not, you deserve it. Be safe! Be happy! And remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

04/12

2006-04-12T09:41:00.000-04:00

Wednesday April 12
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Cartoon-a-Day

LEFTY

REDNECK

RADIO NEWS.........
This just in: Robbers stole a truckload of viagra. Police are on the lookout for a couple of hardened criminals.

What a Woman Wants:

Young Womans List:
-Handsome
-Charming
-Financially successful
-Witty
-In good shape
-Stylish dresser
-Shares my interests
-Full of thoughtful little surprises
-Is an imaginative, romantic lover

Same List Ten Years Later:

-Not too ugly
-Doesn't belch or scratch in public
-Works steadily
-Doesn't nod off while I'm talking
-Usually remembers the punch lines of jokes
-Is fit enough to rearrange the furniture
-Usually wears matching socks
-Knows not to buy champagne with screw top lids
-Remembers to put the toilet seat down (sometimes)
-Shaves on weekends

Okay, I'm just about to get my second wind. So, try to keep up and don't slow down now. And remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

04/11

2006-04-11T10:40:00.000-04:00

Tuesday April 11
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Cartoon-a-Day

LEFTY

REDNECK

I knew a guy who was so lazy....

Even his nose wouldn't run
He wouldn't bat an eye
His fingers wouldn't walk through the yellow pages
His hair wouldn't curl
He couldn't raise an eyebrow
His brow wouldn't knit
His mind never wandered
He never had a second thought

That's it for today. Hey, what do you want for a Monday? Now, let's work together to get this week outta the way. And remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

04/10

2006-04-10T14:38:00.000-04:00

Monday April 10
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Cartoon-a-Day

LEFTY

REDNECK

And remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

04/09

2006-04-09T20:38:00.000-04:00

Sunday April 9
ATTENTION INTERNET EXPLORER Users: You will NOT be able to view my blog correctly. Best viewed with Mozilla Firefox or Netscape. Download is painless and easy. Go ahead, live a little...broaden your horizons. Don't be a slave to IE.

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LEFTY

REDNECK

I spent most of the day working in my back yard, scratching out a small section in the corner for a raised garden. First I tilled to get the grass broken up.

Next I built a 8' x 16' rectangular box using landscaping timbers.

Then the REAL work began. Sorry, no pictures of us hauling 1000 pounds of topsoil from my pickup to the garden using 5-gallon buckets. Trust me. It wasn't anywhere close to a "Kodak moment!"

I discovered a new way to do photo albums. Below is a sample. I've been having a little trouble with it, though. It seems to be hit or miss. Sometimes the pictures show up; sometimes they don't. I may try to do more of these if they don't cause more trouble than they're worth. Below are some interesting flora-fauna combinations ala Photoshop. Cool, huh?

Here's the latest addition to my chile pepper motif kitchen. It's a crocheted chile pepper pot holder my craftaholic lifemate made for me.

(Hope this keeps me in good standing with Pittsburghknitophiles!)

CLEAN JOKE

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but, here is one: Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

Wipe that smile off your face!

Well, that's it. I'm all in. Time to hit the hay to rest up for the week ahead. Hope you enjoyed your weekend. Take care. Be well and...

Remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

Saturday, Second Edition

2006-04-08T11:15:00.001-04:00

ATTENTION INTERNET EXPLORER Users: You will NOT be able to view my blog correctly. Best viewed with Mozilla Firefox or Netscape. Download is painless and easy. Go ahead, live a little...broaden your horizons. Don't be a slave to IE.

^{Powered by RingSurf}

CALLING ALL BLOGGERS!! I need help in getting multiple javascripts to work on my blog. I've read a lot about how it's done, but either my mind can't grasp it or I'm just plain dumb when it comes to those kinds of things. I mean, I know enough about HTML to get myself in (and sometimes) out of trouble, but this concept is way over my head. So, if you have the savvy, the time and the willingness to share, I'd love to hear from you. Drop me a comment and you'll gain a friend for life. Okay, that's it for now!

Keep it funny, hot & spicy!

04/08

2006-04-08T10:20:00.000-04:00

Saturday April 8
ATTENTION INTERNET EXPLORER Users: You will NOT be able to view my blog correctly. Best viewed with Mozilla Firefox or Netscape. Download is painless and easy. Go ahead, live a little...broaden your horizons. Don't be a slave to IE.

Cartoon-a-Day

LEFTY

REDNECK

Look at these amazing "mutations" ala Photoshop

Hmmmm...maybe this is what
made me what I am today.

GOTTA LOVE LITTLE BOYS........

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked up a box of Tampax and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are
you?" "Eight," the boy replied. The man continued, "Do you
know how these are used?" The boy replied, "Not exactly,
but they aren't for me. They are for him. He's my brother.
He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would
be able to swim and ride a bike. He can't do either one!"

Spring is doing its best to sleep in today. Guess I'm like spring today! You too, maybe? But don't stay in bed all day.

Remember to get out there and keep it fun, hot & spicy!

Friday April 7

2006-04-07T14:24:00.000-04:00

Friday April 7
Cartoon-a-Day

LEFTY

REDNECK

Speaking of rednecks, here are some pics I received in email that I just have to share. They're hil-laugh-out-loud-larious! Look closely. Can you see them well enough to figure them out??

The work week is so close now we can almost taste it!! Let's coast into another kick-back, kick-ass weekend. Hope the fun in the following lines helps to put a chuckle, giggle or guffaw in your life!!

Snappy Answer #1

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat, she said, “Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub!”

Snappy Answer #2

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy replied, “No, ma’am, they’re dead.”

Snappy Answer #3

The cop got out of his car and the kidd who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. “I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.

The kid replied, “Yeah, well, I got here as quick as I could.” When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Snappy Answer #4

A truck driver was driving along the freeway. A sign comes up that reads “Low Bridge Ahead.” Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him, and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally a police car comes up.

The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck, huh?” “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.”

Snappy Answer #5

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. “Now, class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it; no other excuses whatsoever!”

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, “What you say if tomorrowI said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?”

The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When the silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her head, and sweetly said, “Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.

Time to kick this week to the curb and roll out the weekend!! Oh, YEAH!! You earned it, now spend it like a couple of days off...which it IS!!

And remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

Thursday April 6

2006-04-06T09:23:00.000-04:00

Thursday April 6

LEFTY

REDNECK

What follows is one of the funniest stories I've heard in a long time. It has something for everyone: hilarious humor, clever thinking, revenge, and a source of vicarious triumph! Enjoy!

Which of these guys is the biggest jerk?

from “555-4822” by Patrick Hanifin

Not get this. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, “Hello?” I politely said, “This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?” Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn’t believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin’s correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits.

After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled, “You’re a Jerk!” and hung up. Next to his phone number, I wrote the word “Jerk” and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I’d call him up. He’d answer, and then I’d yell, “You’re a Jerk” and hang up. It would always cheer me up. Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me; I would have to stop calling the Jerk. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, “Hello!”

I made up a name. “Hi. This is Herman with the telephone company and I’m just calling to see if you’re familiar with our caller ID program.”

He went, “No!” and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re a Jerk!”

And the reason I took the time to tell you this story is to show you how, if there’s ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial 555-4822.

The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking space. I didn’t think she was ever going to leave. Finally her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the stall. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she’s finally leaving.

All of a sudden this black Camaro came flying up the aisle in the wrong direction and pulls into her vacated space. I started honking my horn and yelling, “You can’t do that, buddy! I was there first!” The guy climbed out of his Camaro, completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn’t even hear me.

I thought to myself, this guy’s a jerk…there’s sure a lot of jerks in this world, I noticed he had a FOR SALE sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.

A couple of days later, I’m at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 555-4822 and yelling, “You’re a Jerk!” (It’s really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk and thought I’d better call this guy, too.

After a couple of rings someone answered the phone and said, “Hello?” I said, “Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?” “Yes, it is.” “Can you tell me where I can see it?” “Yes, I live at 1802 34^th Street. It’s a yellow house and the car’s parked right out front.” I said, “What’s your name?” “My name is Don Hansen.” “When’s a good time to catch you?” “I’m home in the evenings.”

“Listen, Don, can I tell you something?” “Yes.” “Don, you’re a Jerk!” And I slammed the phone down. After I hung up, I added Don Hansen’s number to my speed dialer.

For a while, things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two jerks to call. Then after several months of calling the jerks and then hanging up on them, the whole thing started to seem like an obligation. It just wasn’t as enjoyable as it used to be.

I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution.

First, I had my phone dial Jerk #1. A man answered, saying, “Hello!” I yelled, “You’re a Jerk!” But I didn’t hang up. The jerk said, “Are you still there?” I said, “Yeah…” He said, “Stop calling me!” I said, “No!” He said, “What’s your name?” I said, “Don Hansen.” “Where do you live?” “1802 34^th Street. It’s a yellow house and my black Camaro is parked out front.” “I’m coming over right now, Don. You better start saying your prayers!” “Yeah, like I’m really scared, Jerk!” and I hung up.

Then I called Jerk #2. He answerd, “Hello!” I said, “Hello, Jerk!” He said, “If I ever find out who you are…” “You’ll what?” “I’ll kick your butt!” “Well, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now, Jerk!” And I hung up.

Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them a big gang fight was going down at 1802 34^th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34^th street to watch the whole thing.

I turned onto 34^th Street and parked my car under the shade of a tree half a block from Jerk #2’s house. There were two guys fighting out front. Suddenly there were about 12 police cars and a helicopter. The police wrestled the two men to the ground and took them away.

A couple of months go by and I get a call for jury duty. I was picked to be on a trial of two guys charged with disorderly conduct. As luck would have it, it happened to be the same two guys. I might have influenced the jury, because when they announded the verdict, they said, “We find the defendants to be guilty…and a couple of jerks!”

Friday's in sight! Hope you're doing all right!! May you have a pleasant night!

And remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

Wednesday April 5

2006-04-05T09:22:00.000-04:00

Wednesday April 5

LEFTY

REDNECK

Who’s Minding the Flock??

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud toward him. The driver, a young man in a Boni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd, “If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?”

The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacfully grazing flock and calmly answered, “Sure.”

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his laptop, connected it to a cell phone, and then surfed to a NASA page on the Internet where he called up a surveillance satellite system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out a 150-page report on his hi-tech printer, then turns to the shepherd and says, “You have exactly 1,586 sheep.”

“That is correct; take one of the sheep,” said the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car. Then the shepherd says, “If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me my sheep back?”

“Okay, why not,: answered the young man.

“Clearly, you are a government contractor,” said the shepherd.

“That’s correct,” says the yuppie. “But how did you guess that?”

“No guess required,: answered the shepherd. “You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to be paid for an answer I already knew to a question I never asked, and you don’t know anything about my business. Now, give me back my dog!”

Tuesday's history, or about to be. We're on our way to another weekend. Keep on keepin' on!!

And remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

Tuesday 4 April

2006-04-04T09:05:00.000-04:00

Tuesday April 4

LEFTY

REDNECK

Happy Tuesday! If your Tuesday seems like just another Monday, here's a little humor to help you make it through.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

FROSTBITE

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A NERVOUS WRECK

What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

ANYONE CAN ROAST BEEF…

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT HIM

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

BECAUSE THEY HAVE BIG FINGERS

Why don’t blind people like to skydive?

IT SCARES THE HELL OUT OF THEIR DOGS

What kind of coffee did they serve on the Titanic?

SANKA

What’s the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

THE LOCATION OF THE DIRTBAG

Why did Pilgrim’s pants always fall down?

BECAUSE THEY WORE THEIR BUCKLES ON THEIR HATS

What do a Texas tornado and a Tennessee Divorce have in common?

EITHER WAY, SOMEBODY’S GONNA LOSE A TRAILER.

Well, that's it for another day. Have a good one...

And remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

Monday 3 April

2006-04-03T09:16:00.000-04:00

Monday April 3

LEFTY

REDNECK

Every Monday needs a little humor, so here goes my contribution...

Overheard…

…at a party

---HE: Pardon me, but you look like Helen Green.

---SHE: Yeah, well, I look even worse in pink.

…in a bar

---HAPPY NEW YEAR!

---What’s the matter with you? It’s nearly the 4^th of July!

---Whoa! I better be getting home!

…on the golf course.

---Do you realize your ball just struck my wife?!

---Dreadfully sorry, old chap. Here’s a ball; have a shot at mine.

…on a headstone

---I TOLD you I was sick.

…in a phone call to the hospital

---I’ve got to get down there right away. I’ve got to bring my wife in. She’s having a baby! She’s having a baby!

---Now, calm down. Is this her first baby?

---Um, no. This is her husband.

…at the bridge club

---Won’t the country club dance be fun? We’re supposed to wear dresses that match our husband’s hair. I’m going in black.

---And I’ll be in yellow.

---I’m wearing red with silver highlights.

--Oh, dear, I think I’d better not come.

…in court

---Are you the defendant?

---No, your honor, I got a lawyer to do the defendin’…I’m the guy what stole the car.

…in the men’s department

---Whew! I didn’t have any trouble selling the purple suit to that blind guy, but did his seeing-eye dog raise a fuss?!

…in the doctor’s office

---When you urinate, does it burn?

---Don’t know, never tried to light it.

…in Sunday School

---Can anyone tell me where God is?

---Well, this morning he was at my house. I heard my Dad yelling, “Good God, how much longer are you gonna be in that bathroom?

Thanks to your government, your mind and body think it got one hour too little sleep last night. But that's not so bad when you think it's your tax dollars they're wasting. That alone is enough to keep you awake at night. But this is America, the greatest nation in the world. Congress wastes more money in a day than most countries produce in a year. So, with that thought, I'll leave you to ponder this and other of life's mysteries. One down, four to go. Be safe, be happy!

And remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

Somewhere It's a Sunny Sunday....Not Here!!!

2006-04-02T12:00:00.000-04:00

Sunday April 2

LEFTY

REDNECK

Happy Sunday, everybody! I've come to the conclusion that my "Stupid" calendar is no longer readable, so I'm discontinuing it for the time being. The graphics somehow got messed up, and for the sake of your eyesight and temper, I'll save you the frustration of trying to read the tidbits and taking it out (if only in your head) at me. So, relax and think of this little fact of live as one done on your behalf. (No need to thank me; the pleasure is all mine!)

Hope you remembered to turn back your clocks. If not, do it now or you'll spend the next 6 months trying to catch up (sleep included)!

If the weather's nice, get outside and enjoy it! If it's not, stay in and daydream about it!! And whether you're a hawk or a dove, when gardening always remember to...

Be happy! Be Safe! And remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

Is It Monday Already????

2006-04-01T09:00:00.000-05:00

Saturday April 1

If you had to stop and think, then shame on you!!

APRIL FOOL!!

If you want a few laughs at others' expense, click here and you can see what gullable people (like me) would fall for on a day like today.

LEFTY

REDNECK

STUPID

As I said once before, much of my sense of humor was influenced by Ogden Nash, who I believe to be one of the greatest humorists of all time. I found the following while surfing, and I'm pleased and proud to share it with you. So, here it is...my favorite Ogden Nash poem!

The Tale of Custard the Dragon
by Ogden Nash

Belinda lived in a little white house,
With a little black kitten and a little gray mouse,
And a little yellow dog and a little red wagon,
And a realio, trulio, little pet dragon.

Now the name of the little black kitten was Ink,
And the little gray mouse, she called hum Blink,
And the little yellow dog was sharp as Mustard,
But the dragon was a coward, and she called him Custard.

Custard the dragon had big sharp teeth,
And spikes on top of him and scales underneath,
Mouth like a fireplace, chimney for a nose,
And realio, trulio daggers on his toes.

Belinda was as brave as a barrel full of bears,
And Ink and Blink chased lions down the stairs,
Mustard was as brave as a tiger in a rage,
But Custard cried for a nice safe cage.

Belinda tickled him, she tickled him unmerciful,
Ink, Blink and Mustard, they rudely called him Percival,
They all sat laughing in the little red wagon
At the realio, trulio, cowardly dragon.

Belinda giggled till she shook the house,
and Blink said Weeck! which is giggling for a mouse,
Ink and Mustard rudely asked his age,
When Custard cried for a nice safe cage.

Suddenly, suddenly they heard a nasty sound,
And Mustard growled, and they all looked around.
Meowch! cried Ink, and Ooh! cried Belinda,
For there was a pirate, climbing in the winda.

Pistol in his left hand, pistol in his right,
And he held in his teeth a cutlass bright,
His beard was black, one leg was wood;
It was clear that the pirate meant no good.

Belinda paled, and she cried Help! Help!
But Mustard fled with a terrified yelp,
Ink trickled down to the bottom of the household,
And little mouse Blink strategically mouseholed.

But up jumped Custard snorting like an engine,
Clashed his tail like irons in a dungeon,
With a clatter and a clank and a jangling squirm,
He went at the pirate like a robin at a worm.

The pirate gaped at Belinda's dragon,
And gulped some grog from his pocket flagon,
He fired two bullets, but they didn't hit,
And Custard gobbled him, every bit.

Belinda embraced him, Mustard licked him,
No one mourned for his pirate victim.
Ink and Blink in glee did gyrate
Around the dragon that ate the pirate.

But presently up spoke little dog Mustard,
I'd been twice as brave if I hadn't been flustered.
And up spoke Ink and up spoke Blink,
We'd have been three times as brave, we think,
And Custard said, I quite agree
That everybody is braver than me.

Belinda still lives in her little white house,
With her little black kitten and her little gray mouse,
And her little yellow dog and her little red wagon,
And her realio, trulio little pet dragon.

Belinda is as brave as a barrel full of bears,
And Ink and Blink chase lions down the stairs,
Mustard is as brave as a tiger in a rage,
But Custard keeps crying for a nice safe cage.

Okay, that's it for now. Go out and have some fun this weekend!
And remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

Finally Friday!!

2006-03-31T09:00:00.000-05:00

Friday March 31

LEFTY

REDNECK

STUPID

Now that the dust has settled and the rest of the country and that part of the world that understands or cares anything about American professional football has reconciled themselves to the fact that we Steelers fans knew all season: STEELERS ARE #1!!! The media has pretty much covered the spectrum of woulda-coulda-shoulda circumstances surrounding SuperBowl XL. And I'm not going to add to the animosity. The picture below sums up any ideas anyone might have about whether the Seahawks are gracious losers.

So, there you have it! Like it or not, let's hope the Seahawks don't keep all those sour grapes "bottled up" all season or they might end up cryin' in their beer again!

So we lost Randle El and Bettis retired. We still have Big Ben and Hines and Troy!! We still got what it takes and we'll just have to wait and see where it takes us!!

Pat yourself on the back for having made it through another week!! Get ready to enjoy your weekend!! I'll join you in spirit!!

And remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

Thirsty Thursday

2006-03-30T09:05:00.000-05:00

Thursday March 30

LEFTY

REDNECK

STUPID

This Just In....!

Yesterday scientists for Health Canada suggested that, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, men should take a look at their beer consumption.

The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each within a one-hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is required!! CHEERS!

Wednesday's Child...

2006-03-29T09:02:00.000-05:00

Wednesday March 29

LEFTY

REDNECK

STUPID

Onesday, Tuesday...

2006-03-28T09:00:00.000-05:00

Tuesday March 28

LEFTY

REDNECK

STUPID

Here's hopin' you're copin' with another workday. Here's a little bit of humor to take the WE out of WEEK!

* When I take a long time, I am slow. When my boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
* When I don't do it, I'm lazy. When my boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
* When I do something without being told, I'm trying to be smart. When my boss does the same, that's initiative.
* When I please the boss, I'm sucking up. When my boss pleases his boss, that's being proactive.
* When I do good, my boss never remembers. When I do bad, my boss never forgets.

A new teacher was trying to make use of her child psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "If you think you're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid?" Little Johnny replied, "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself!"

Guys, have you ever fallen victim to one of these zingers???

Man: Haven't I seen you some place before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and mine will be, too, if you sit down.

Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do Not Enter.

Man: Can I buy you a drink?
Woman, Actually, I'd rather have the money.

Man: How did you get to be so beautiful?
Woman: I must have been given your share.

Man: Your face must turn a few heads.
Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

Man: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
Woman: Okay, GET OUT!

Man: I think I could make you very happy.
Woman: Why, are you leaving?

Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
Woman: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh hysterically at the same time.

Man: Can I have your name?
Woman: Why, don't you already have one?

Man: Why don't we go to see a movie.
Woman: No thanks, I've already seen one.

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

That's it for today! Hang in there!! You can do it!!

Making the Best of Another Monday

2006-03-27T10:30:00.000-05:00

Monday March 27

LEFTY

REDNECK

STUPID

Sunday Stretch

2006-03-26T16:05:00.000-05:00

Okay, here's the deal. The Health Inspector is a hands-down, 2 thumbs up, destined to be redneck cult film you'll kick your own ass if you don't see it!! Went to see it today and it's a definite MUST HAVE DVD!!! I mean, if they gave Oscars for blue collar, this one would win an outhouse full!!! So, go out there and GIT-R-DONE!!

    Sleeping in is always a treat. It happens
too seldom and I rarely have the luxury of fully
enjoying such a pleasure. But today was one of those
special cases. It's like a pepper high, and it doesn't
come back to "bite you in the ass" a few hours later,
if you know what I'm talking about.

Okay, let's get right into it. Here are some oneliners I received in email a while back. They're worthy of inclusion for your reading pleasure.

Something About Girlfriends, Wives & Lovers

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

-Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

-Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

-Milton Berle

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said there was
water in the carbuerator. I asked her where the car was.
She replied, "It's in the lake."

-Henny Youngman

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

-Henny Youngman

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You
know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in
love and didn't notice."

When a man steals your wife, there is no better
revenge than to let him keep her.

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got myself two girlfriends.

A man reported his credit card stolen but decided not
to report it because the theif was spending less than his
wife did.

Man is incomplete until he's married. Then he's finished!

Young son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a
man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in EVERY country, son.

Then there was the man who said, "I never knew what
real happiness was until I got married. Then it was too late!

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: Wife wanted.
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said
the same: "You can have mine."

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men.
It only seems longer.

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was damn
near impossible.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through
life thinking they had no faults at all.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his
wife can spend. A successful woman is one who finds such
a man.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday
is to forget it once.

As a fan of MadTV, one of the skits that Nicole Sullivan and Michael MacDonald do is entitled "Literally." The cartoon below is reason enough for parents to listen closely to what their kids are saying.

That's all for now. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

And Now a Word From Our Sponsor

2006-03-26T11:20:00.000-05:00

Where's Spring??

2006-03-25T17:05:00.000-05:00

Hey, according to the calendar, the almanac, the birds and my joints, IT'S SPRING, dammit!! Wish the weatherman could get his act together. They're predicting SNOW for this afternoon, and that's not making my budding green thumb feel like wiggling in the dirt!! I do have some pop-ups in my indoor pepper pots, but my tomatoes still seem to be napping. Just watered them, so we'll see if they decide to make a debut soon.

I've been playing around with ways to display the three calendars I've been posting. So, over the next few days, things might seem to be evolving. Once I settle on something I like, that tends to be relatively easy to do, and I don't get too many negative comments about, things should tend to settle down...at least as far as the calendars are concerned! So, here's the latest idea...
Saturday/Sunday March 25/26

LEFTY

REDNECK

STUPID/STUPID

Okay, I've had enough! I've frustrated myself more than any mortal blogger deserves, and I'm giving up for the day. But not before I leave you with a few things to amuse and amaze you. Below are a couple of cartoons that I found recently that I wanted to make sure I shared with you.
This first one is a perfect example of wasted effort. Of course, perhaps it's in a area where the people there are reaaaaalllllly short. Naaaaahh! But maybe it was a blonde. Gee, if that's the case, hope she doesn't lose the key to the lock!!!

This next one must be the result of someone being told it couldn't be done. Perhaps there's an updraft that would keep the ball on the field.

Here's the last one for the day. Sort of like postal delivery, nothing got in the way of this guy painting a stripe on the edge of the road.

That's it. Time to go prepare dinner: spaghetti with hot Italian sausage flavored sauce and focaccia bread with roasted peppers and tomatoes, accompanied by a chilled glass of Almaden white zinfandel. And for dessert: blackberry cobbler topped with Edy's vanilla bean ice cream.

I'll leave you with a pepperhead prescription: If you find yourself in a situation where you simply don't know what to do, just bite into a fresh hot pepper. Any variety will do. No, it won't solve your problem for you, but it WILL keep your mind off it for a while!!! Enjoy your weekend! And remember to keep it funny, hot & spicy!

5 Days of Work in a Row Makes One Weak!

2006-03-24T08:15:00.000-05:00

It's been a long week, but all things--good AND bad--must come to an end. This week is no exception! I'm ready to kick back, relax, do a little cooking, a little blogging and a little lovin' (not necessarily in that order)!! After checking my email, I'll be bloggin' to ya!!

For today's bit of lefthander lore click below:

For today's Redneck Reality Check, click below:

For today's stupidest thing ever said, click below:

Okay, we made it to the weekend! Now go out there and stir up some Scoville units, just for fun!

Isn't it Friday yet??

2006-03-23T14:45:00.000-05:00

Hope your Hump Day was at least tolerable. Hey, we're on the home stretch for the weekend! One more and we can close the books on another work week!! Hang in there!!

For today's bit of lefthander lore click below:

For today's Redneck Reality Check, click below:

For today's stupidest thing ever said, click below:

Okay, you've made it this far, so one more day is nothing compared to what you've already endured so far. Friday's just a good night's sleep away. YOU CAN DO IT!!

Happy HUMP Day!

2006-03-22T14:30:00.000-05:00

Hey, how you celebrate Hump Day is up to you. But, speaking of Hump Day, that reminds me of the poem by favorite poet, Ogden Nash, entitled The CAMEL:

The camel has a single hump;
The dromedary two.
Or else the other way around.
I'm never sure, are you?

For today's bit of lefthander lore click below:

For today's Redneck Reality Check, click below:

For today's stupidest thing ever said, click below:

I can see the light of the weekend at the end of the tunnel of the rest of the week! At this point the pessimist says there's still half a week left to go. I'm an optimist. I say the week is half over!

Oh, GOD, it's only Tuesday!

2006-03-21T10:12:00.000-05:00

One down, four to go. But, at least I can wish you all HAPPY SPRING!!! I can't wait to get my garden started, but just because the calendar says it's spring, Mother Nature still seems to have a few tricks up her sleeve. Gotta wait until frost is no longer an issue before playing in the dirt. Here's the days calendar entries. Hey, it's better than nothing....well, to ME it is!!
For today's bit of lefthander lore click below:

For today's Redneck Reality Check, click below:

For today's stupidest thing ever said, click below:

Add a smile to your wardrobe. It increases your face value!

Monday, Monday

2006-03-18T21:42:00.000-05:00

First day of the week, four more to go for another weekend. I spend the day in front of a computer monitor, so I do the majority of my blogging during the weekends. So, you'll just have to do with three calendar pages for the weekdays, unless something really HOT happens for me to share.
For today's bit of lefthander lore click below:

For today's Redneck Reality Check, click below:

For today's stupidest thing ever said, click below:

See ya tomorrow! Remember, keep it funny and keep it spicy!!

Another Shameless Blonde Joke, Etc.

2006-03-18T20:08:00.000-05:00

Dear Ms. Advice,

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning. And when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job four years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is buy big cigars and cruise around and shoots the breeze with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and he even hints that I am a lesbian. What should I do?

Signed, Clueless

Dear Clueless,

Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him anymore. You're a United States Senator from New York. Act like one!

Ms. Advice

CODGER COMEDY

After retiring, I went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry but I seemed to have left my wallet at Home "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I told my wife about my experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."

Super Spicy Snack

2006-03-18T16:30:00.000-05:00

The following recipe is one for which I have become a legend in my own time. In every office I've ever worked, I am considered the King of Guacamole. It just so happens that I tend to gravitate toward people who crave hot and spice foods, so I was a born natural. I used to tell people it was an old secret family recipe, but it's so simple, and I get such praise for it, I don't mind letting you in on this minor miracle of Mexican magic. So, here you go. Go out there and spice up your life!! Enjoy!

A Public Service Announcement

2006-03-18T12:48:00.000-05:00

Dear Bloggers,
It has come to my attention that some, lo many, of you may not be getting the clear picture of my blog and thousands of others worthy of your praise and unfettered adoration. See, the thing is, your browser may be cheating you out of the full experience you deserve. Hey, don't blame me! I didn't create Blogger!! If you want, and if it'll make you feel better, go ahead and blame Al Gore. Hey, he claims the whole INTERNET is his invention. And Blogger is just an itty-bitty part of the whole enchilada. I would recommend you go here to see if the browser you're using is supported by the blogs in Blogger. If not, I encourage you to try another browser and see if things change for the better. I personally use Mozilla Firefox(c) and it seems to work fine, though there are times when animations do not properly display. I can live with that as long as the formatting and content are always there. I also sometimes use a Netscape(c) browser, and likewise don't seem to have any difficulties with either format or content. The bottom line here, folks, is that Internet Explorer(c) is only sparcely supported. I wanted to make sure you are aware of this situation, so you won't come knocking at my blogdoor complaining that you can't read my blog.

This message is transmitted for the benefit of all those who blog and their visitors. Thank you for your attention to this important concern. As always, wishing you a fun and enjoyable blogsperience.

H.A.P.P.Y. Saint Patrick's Day

2006-03-17T22:50:00.000-05:00

-----VOTED BEST IRISH JOKE OF 2005-----

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

For purposes of this post, HAPPY is an acronym, in honor of today's celebration:

H ave

A

P epper-larious

P epper-fest

Y 'all !!

Now, for something COMPLETELY different! My better half (and I'm not talking SIZE here) is a crafter's crafter! She keeps me in stitches in more ways than one! Below is an example--that fits the theme of my blog perfectly--of some of her handywork. It's a pair of pepper earrings. But, if you curious about what they're made of and how they're made, you gotta go to her blog to find out more! Just click on her blog button below and it will take you to her blog.

Not only am I a pepperhead with an "unusual" sense of humor. I also have a few other characteristics that others have called quirky, odd, strange and just plain obnixious. For one, I'm lefthanded. Being born in Arkansas, I'm a redneck, hence a southpaw. I am fluent in Spanish, so that makes me a zurdo. I have one particular passion that I consume more than it consumes me: cooking. I never passed a kitchen store that I didn't at least browse. I have way more cooking acoutrements than I have adequate space to store them. And, because of my unquenchable curiosity and sense of culinary adventure, I've become addicted to buying things online buying. Not that I'm a Ronco groupie (though I do have his rotisserie that works GREAT!) I love sampling and collecting hot sauces of ALL KINDS!! If you know of one you don't see on my site, drop me a note and I'll check it out! Right now I'm starting my 2006 garden, in which I plan to grow a variety of peppers, including habaneros, jalapenos, and cayenne, as well as tomatoes, green onions, of course, fresh cilantro which no kitchen should be without.

Another of my passions, reading, is something I never have time enough to enjoy as much as I'd like. My current favorite authors include Diane Mott Davidson (on CD), James Patterson (about 1/3 through Mary, Mary), and everything Tom Robbins. I am a subscriber to Chile Pepper magazine. And I thoroughly enjoy doing the Sunday Chicago Tribune crossword puzzle...IN INK!

So, if you stumbled onto my blog by mistake, out of curiosity or because you love living on the thin edge of insanity, stroll through the links above and that should keep you occupied at least as long as it took me to put them together. If you like what you found, let me know. If you found other interesting things along the way, please share them. If you have a blog you'd like me to visit, let me know and I'm pop in for a peek!

Found this pseudo-Seuss poem, a copy of which is hanging by my desk at work, and I just HAD to share it with you. Perhaps you see a little bit of your own job here.

Gotta run. Have a fun, save, spicy St. Pat's and may the luck o' the Irish be wi' ye!

Ah, the Spice of Life

2006-03-13T00:06:00.000-05:00

Not to brag, but I am a member of a rather exclusive "HOT-sie totsie club. Below is the bumper sticker that explains it all!

Here's one of the posters that adorns my Pepper Motif kitchen. The kitchen isn't finished yet, so for now all you're gonna get a peek at is a few of the decorations that "pepper" our "Hotter than Hell" kitchen....currently under construction.

The picture below isn't a part of our kitchen....yet! But I'd love to have a hot sauce pantry that looks like this! I've got a pretty good start, though.

That's all for this week. It's back to the grind for another paycheck. If you're fortunate enough to have the luxury of the early spring weather temptation, enjoy it!

Easy to be Hard

2006-03-12T13:40:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I'm no brain surgeon or rocket scientist. But, I mean, COME ON!! I spent the better part of the day yesterday working on what, going in, I thought was going to be a quick half hour or so of cutting and pasting and then sitting back and basking in the glory of a perfectly produced post. Au contraire, mon frère. I guess I'm not the html whiz I cracked myself up to be. At any rate, I scrapped the whole thing and I'm, like the blog itself, starting out of the ashes of what once was, but unfortuntely, for me at least, wasn't.

I've come to assume that it's not as simple as just cutting and pasting from a website or email into a blog post. Well, it isn't for me anyway. So, I've resorted to actually typing it in word by word, and if that doesn't work, I may seek assylum in an assylum. And what's up with uploading an image to be placed strategically in your post?? And when it finished uploading, it goes right to the head of the blog instead of where you want it. If I had any hair left to begin with, I would have pulled in out in hysterical frustration by now.

So, as I had originally intended, below are a few random Blonde Jokes, courtesy of my oldest daughter. And, NO, she isn't a blonde of any sort--natural, bleached or otherwise.

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She asks, "So, what's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carbuerator."
She gasps, imploring, "How often do I have to do THAT??"

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her niceli if he can see her license.
She replies in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!!!"

RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts. "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side..."

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctors's office complaining that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead touches her left arm and she screams. The touches her elbow and screams even more. The touches her knee and wails in obvious pain; then she touches her ankle with equal agony. Everywhere she touched resulted in screams of pain.
In a flash of insight, the doctor asks, "you aren't really a redhead, are you?"
"Well, no," she said. I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken!"

MUCH ADO ABOUT KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulls alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astonished to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his fhashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blond hollered back. "It's a SCARF!"

BLONDED BY THE LIGHT

A Russian, an American and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space."
The American said, "We were the first on the moon."
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and scratched their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" exclaimed the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "Duh, we're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

IT SUCKS TO BE BLONDE

A blonde was once playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, so she rolled the dice and landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you were in a vacuum and someone called your name, could you hear it?"
She thought for a moment and then asked, "Is it on or off?!"

TIMELY HUMOR

A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had just acquired two new dogs. She asked the blonde what were their names. The blonde responded that one was naned Rolex and the other was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of naming dogs like that?!"
"HELLOOOOOOOO!" answered the blonde. "They're WATCH dogs!"

YEAH, RIGHT!

The following account is purportedly true. Well, if a blonde thinks so, then it MUST be!!

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents halped us in every way; my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me...very much indeed. And that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her charms. It had to be deliberate, because she never did such things when anyone but the two of us were together.

One day my girlfriend's sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I would be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't and didn't want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it, just come up and get me!" I was stunned. I stood frozen, watching her go up the stairs. When she reached the top step, the reached down and pulled off her pantie s and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went staight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"

The moral of the story:

ALWAYS KEEP YOUR CONDOMS IN YOUR CAR!"

MORE THAN A QUART LOW

A blonde pulls into a gas station and she tells the attendant that she needs some 710 so her car will run better.
The pump jockey scratches his head, not knowing what to do. So he asks the blonde to show him what she's talking about. So, he pops the hood and asks her to come around and show him. She bounces to the front of the car, pointing straight at....

AND FINALLY, the greatest BLONDE JOKE of all TIME:

Okay, that's enough gratuitous humor.
But, like I always say.....anything for a laugh!!

Gettin' Better All the Time

2006-03-10T19:46:00.000-05:00

If you've visited my blog before, you may see a few changes. If you haven't been to my blog before, then welcome. Hope you enjoy your stay. Got a few new links for you to check out, and a few funny pictures and jokes I've collected from friends and family.

I've never been much of a Chuck Norris fan, but I laughed myself silly reading the collected "facts" that have been making the rounds. There's even a webpage for them now. And, if that's not enough, here's a few Mr. T "facts" that I hope you find amusing:

Mr. T cereal is made of yellowcake uranium. Mr. T eats a box every morning to ensure that his nuclear arms are always at the ready.

The gold chains around Mr. T's neck is worth twice the Gross National Product of Burundi. Everyone in Burundi worshps Mr. T and the national language is Jibba-Jabba.

Mr. T can hit a grand slam with no one on base.

Mr.T's can crush coal into gold bling. Even Vin Diesel cannot explain this.

Mr. T is the reason for the gasoline shortage, he drinks it for breakfast.

Okay, enough of Mr. T. Or is that an understatement?

Here's a cartoon worth a thousand laughs!

Have a fun, safe, spicy weekend!

Pittsburgh Pepperhead

Funny, but relearning html is no laughing matter!

2006-03-05T22:04:00.000-05:00

I've just spent the better part of the day getting my blog to look like I wanted. I hope now to have time to devote to the funnier aspects of blogging. Heard a good one lately?? Leave me a note and I'll be sure to check it out! Until next time....Here's laughing with you!!

2006-03-05T12:15:00.000-05:00

Hunka-Hunka Burnin' Humor!

Like a chile pepper left roasting on the grill a little too long, this website is a recreation out of the ashes of a rather lack-luster predecessor. All pepperheads with a hot sense of humor are welcome. Those of you with tamer palates are also free to visit, share a laugh, a recipe or a thought. Whether it's HOT or it's NOT, as long as it's funny, this is the place for......well, whatever!